the essence of big love

The risk of loving big is that big goodbyes can wreck you.

If you've lived long enough, you've experienced it. The reverberating pain of saying goodbye to someone you love.

I've been to more funerals than I can count. My beloved father passed away when I was a teen and three more people I loved completely, my husband's mom, dad, and sister, Denise, all died within a handful of years from one another.

But these are not the kinds of letting go I'm referring to. It's the moving away from someone you're crazy about kind of goodbye—or them moving away from you.

It's the adjusting to a new season kind of goodbye.

This week my younger son and daughter-in-law left for new adventures in California.

We'll still get to see them, of course, but not nearly as often. I'm a sucker for "lasts,” and every last before they left felt like a paper cut on my heart. They sold their vehicle, so I thought, This is the last time we'll see them come up the driveway in that car.

Pointless, I know, but nonetheless my brain swirled with these ruminations.

Am I the only one that struggles with change and wanting things to stay the same?

When our oldest took his first grown-up job after college graduation and was packed and leaving our driveway for Orlando, I completely lost it.

I mean … just sobbing.

We hugged hard, and I didn't want to let go. In fact, we didn't for a long, long time. Aren't I supposed to be the adult in these situations?

Poor, precious guy, I made that moment so hard on him.

The night before Collin and Jennifer left, I gave up on sleep when tears wouldn't stop spilling on my pillow. His life was running on replay through my mind, and the words below that tumbled out could've been written for any one of my children with the switching of a few lines and words.

< I delighted in you long before you were born

Before I saw your face, you were loved

I cherished your soul, the essence of you

You rolled and ran in my belly, and Dad and I just shook our heads and laughed

We knew you'd give us a run for our money

And, oh, you did

You made us smile and you made our hearts swell, a boy of unending talents and wisdom and compassion far beyond his years

A boy that consumed each day as a sacred gift—striving, learning, discovering and achieving

A boy that grew into a strong, intelligent, caring and gracious, faith-filled man

A man who, along with his beautiful, thoughtful, priceless gift of a wife, is ready to take on the world

And change the world they will, one person and one heart at a time

My fellow prayer-warrior, no matter where you are in the world, my soul will be tethered to yours

My one heart is forever changed, because I love and adore the essence of you >

Those that God gives us to love are truly what we're here for.

In the end, when it's all said and done, God's love in us and the love that we in turn pour out for His glory is what will remain.

It's painfully hard to let go of the past, especially when the past has filled us with immense joy.

Life inevitably changes though, even when we hold on with everything we've got.

But, new experiences are dawning just around the corner.

It's time for me to let go ...

I've been feeling Him nudging me and whispering in my ear.

Maybe He's doing the same for you?

Do you feel Him? Do you hear Him?

He's asking, “Who can you invest in? Who can you pour into today?"

Maybe your time hasn't changed yet, and you're still immersed in raising the children God has loaned you through birth or adoption.

Maybe you, like me, have a couple who have left the nest, but have the profound blessing of one or more still at home.

Maybe, your season of raising kids didn’t come and God is waiting for you to take an alternative step.

Maybe He wants you to focus on your nieces and nephews or friends’ children.

Maybe He wants you to care for a teen, lonely mom, or elderly man down the street.

Maybe He wants you to get involved with the youth at church or a Big Brother/Big Sister program.

Or maybe there's a parentless child who—God already knows—would find the sweetest comfort in your arms.

There’s an enormous canyon of possibilities and probability that our next chapters will look wholly different than the last.

Maybe God will show us talents and passions we didn't know we had.

Let's take a step out of the old and into the new, even when it's terribly scary and we feel we don't have the strength or stamina. When we think we don't have anything substantial to give, or pride threatens to stop us from being real and vulnerability is disquieting.

Even when we know from experience the lasts will eventually come, and our first instinct is to put up a wall of protection.

Let's pray for God to open our eyes to the relational paths He'd like us to courageously head down.

Pray for Him to keep us focused and intentional.

Let's dig deep, love ferociously, and let the fragrance of God's great love surround us wherever we go.

Big love can and will wreck us at times, but the crashing of hearts is a beautiful mess that’s worth every risk.

1 John 4:7-12 "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is not love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

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