just go to bed angry

Craig and I locked hands during the ceremony.

We were touched to see Brett and Collin serve as ushers, and Brett escort Craig's sister, the mother of the bride, down the aisle to her seat.

Marina soaked in every second and loved seeing her cousin appear with her adoring dad, our brother-in-law, by her side. He was an attendant at our wedding twenty-six short years ago.

Before the couple's vows, Craig’s sister Jan shared sweet words of encouragement, then the groom's aunt spoke about her love for her nephew and his bride.

There were many stories and words of wisdom imparted at dinner and throughout the night.

I'm sure many guests reflected on their own marriages, as we did.  

If I could go back in time, here's a few things I wish I would've known in our early days:

It's okay to go to bed angry:

Often, the advice is “Never go to bed angry," but I would say, do the opposite. If it's late and you're angry and can't come to a loving resolution ... by all means, go to bed. Better to roll away from each other to the far corners and fall into a fitful sleep than to say mean, ugly things that can't be taken back.

We've learned this the hard way on an occasion or two, and I can attest to the fact that after a good nap or a night's sleep, our disagreements faded in intensity compared to what they were. Sometimes, after sleeping, we completely forgot what we were mad about or have even laughed at the ridiculousness of it. We're more apt to discuss important topics cooperatively and come to resolutions quicker when we're rested.  I've found that most foul moods and funks can be abated by sleep. (When it comes to one son in particular, a bad mood can usually be cured by carefully pushing a burrito in his direction.)

Keep your sense of humor above all else:

Laughter has a way of smoothing out disagreements and feels a whole lot better than needing to be right. We've had moments over the years of trying to prove that our way was the only and correct way. But just as people are constantly changing and evolving, so are relationships. I'm thankful Craig and I are at a place where we see the value of laughing together and seeing each other’s point of view. We can lecture, pout, whine, cry, yell, and manipulate; or we can find reasons to laugh at the human condition and the fact that we all fall short of perfection. Obviously, not all problems can be laughed off, but a well rested mind and body go a long way in helping us discern what is worth pursuing and what isn't.

Most importantly, NEVER, EVER leave God out of the equation:  

In all decisions, situations, moments, problems, and joys—consult God and acknowledge His sovereign leadership. He's always there whether we recognize his presence or not. He created and brought us into the relationships we're in for a specific purpose. He's the one we should go to first and foremost; not our friends, parents, or brothers and sisters. Instead, in conflict (and out) Craig and I have learned to make time for quiet moments, to grab hands, and to pray.  The strongest and most joyous marriages I've witnessed are the ones in which the husband and wife keep Jesus in the center of everything they do.

I try to imagine a world in which every child is raised in a family that's led by parents who put God first and cherish and love one another selflessly. A world where those parents ask God every day to give them wisdom to learn from their mistakes, hope and joy for their successes, and the tools needed to do better and better.

I want that very much for my kids and grandkids, and my best guess is that you do too.

So, if need be ... go to bed angry.  

Tomorrow is a new day.

Lamentations 3:22-23  "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

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